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"What Fools These Mortals Be"
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Cover Blurb:
The Enterprise diverts to the border of the Perseus Arm, in response to
an S.O.S. from the Starship Pathfinder. When they arrive, they discover the
Pathfinder under attack by three Klingon cruisers. "Captain to photon
torpedo crew chiefs" Kirk says, "fire when ready!" The
Enterprise scores direct hits on the Klingon ships, and they disperse. After
making sure the Pathfinder does not require any more assistance, Kirk orders Mr.
Chekov to return the ship to their normal mission sector. "Not yet
Captain" says Chekov, "We're caught in the orbit of that unidentified
planetoid!" "What do you mean 'not yet'?" replies the Captain, "Fire
us out of orbit!" "Awww, but it's such a nice looking place!"
says Chekov. "Yeah! Can't we enjoy the scenery awhile?" chimes in
another crew member. Kirk and Spock are stunned by this defiance of orders.
On the planet, Kirk and McCoy are awed. "I've never seen such a beautiful place" says the Doctor. "The fragrance from the vegetation, it's numbing!" Kirk agrees. "Gentlemen" Spock interrupts, " May I remind you that we are not here on a pleasure trip!" At that moment, the Science Officer is nearly struck in the head by a flying boomerang! The landing party is then attacked by a group of primitive men, all carrying boomerangs. Kirk orders phasers set on stun, and their attackers are quickly rendered unconscious. McCoy examines one of the primitives. "Low-level, primitive brain activity, Jim" he reports. "They're meat-eaters, probably anything they can get their hands on, including us!" The three men begin to feel the ground rumbling beneath their feet. A massive one-eyed man walks into the clearing, and scoops them up into his hand! McCoy and Spock fire their phasers, but they have no effect - even at disintegration setting. Kirk tells the Doctor to get out his "protoplaser." "What for?" asks McCoy, "this instrument is made for healing wounds!"
Spock tells the others that he believes the events happening to them follow a pattern. "I am recalling one of your ancient Earth legends" he says, "about a general returning from battle. He had similar problems with his crew, when they came to a place called 'The Land of the Lotus Eaters'. He, too, met up with cannibals, and battled a one-eyed giant called Cyclops, I believe! It happened after an encounter known as The Trojan War!" "Of course!" Kirk says. "Homer's Odyssey, The Voyage of Ulysses!" adds the Doctor. "The gods were testing Ulysses, toying with him by filling his journey with deadly terrors!" "Yes" replies the Captain, "It took Ulysses ten years to arrive home!" Suddenly, the face of an old man appears in the clouds above them. "Exactly!" he says, "Perhaps if you are resourceful, it will take you a few years less time!" The large cloud expands, and they see other beings in the clouds as well. "Jim" says McCoy, "Am I flipping out, or are we looking at...." "We are bones" Kirk replies. "Mount Olympus!" "But that was on Earth, thousands of years ago" McCoy continues, "and many light years away from here!" "A mere formality" says one of the godlike beings. "We Olympians are gods, remember?"
The landing party is suddenly blown backward by a powerful gust of wind. They look ahead of them and see Aeolus, god of the winds! "You're just in time to see me exercise my lungs" the god says, and begins blowing at them again. The party desperately tries to hang on to nearby trees in order to avoid being blown away. "Those air-blasts have the force of a hundred protons!" says the Captain. Spock suggests setting phasers for disrupt, wide radius.
The three men soon hear a sweet song drifting over the water. "The sirens!" Kirk says. "Their singing was said to lure seamen to their graves!" "I can see why" McCoy says, "It's growing hypnotic!" "The human part of me has a similar reaction" adds Spock. "We'll do as Ulysses did" the Captain continues, "Bones, you and Spock will stuff your ears with gauze from your medical pouch! You'll lash me to the mast, without impeding my hearing. I wouldn't miss that music for the world!" As the music grows louder, Kirk becomes entranced, and orders Mr. Spock to untie him so that he can go to the sirens. Spock and the Doctor cannot hear him, however, and the music fades away when they pass beyond the sirens. "What was it like, Jim?" asks McCoy. "How can I describe it?" replies Kirk, "The siren's singing is so enchanting, you simply can't resist!" Next, the ship is attacked by the sea monsters Scylla and Charybdis. Charybdis creates a whirlpool, that begins to suck the ship in. While McCoy steers the ship clear of the whirlpool, Kirk and Spock kill the beasts with their phasers. The ship arrives at a dock, alongside a Greek-style city. The citizens of the city gather around the Enterprise crew. "Congratulations!" says a man. "You did what no men have done since Ulysses!" "Yes" says another, "You survived the odyssey! But you must keep your success a secret, lest others learn how to survive!" "Aye, it would no longer be fun, knowing that whoever tries will succeed!" says the first man.
Kirk and Spock confront Zeus, telling him he has no right to keep them trapped on the planet. "What do I care for the laws of puny mortals!" Zeus says. "I am a god, all powerful and immortal!" Zeus then fires lightning bolts from his fingers, which strike the ground near them. "I think these 'gods' need to be taught a lesson, Mr. Spock!" says Kirk. He orders the Enterprise to route the deflector shield to the tractor beam, and the ship focuses the beam on Zeus. The god is knocked from his chair in the clouds, onto his face. "Ha Ha, look at Zeus!" shout the people. Humiliated, Zeus and the other gods disappear. "It is time for us to depart, Olympians" he says as they vanish, "forever!"
 Email: cdanhauser@yahoo.com |
